apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
