New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
