you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
