well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
