i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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