In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
