Please don't use social media to get back at me.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
