It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
