Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
