I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
