i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
