The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
