Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
