well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
