take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
