I wish my penis had an off switch
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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