People in love make me want to vomit
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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