Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
