Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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