and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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