Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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