I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
