anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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