Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
