How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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