a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
