Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
