Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
