have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
