Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
