You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
