Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize