i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
