I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
