Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
