I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
