I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
