just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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