I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
