I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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