on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
