remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
