Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
