New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I have fence marks all over my body
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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