i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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