im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Sext me about skeletons
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
