Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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