Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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