yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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