Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
