I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
