Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Send help, water and tortillas.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
