you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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