Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
