she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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