And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Randomize
