im gay
i know
yea but for you.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
