I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
