Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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