she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
