Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
