So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
