part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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