Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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