She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
my poor anus
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
