He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
