Do you still have your period?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
