Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
