My room smells like vodka and shame
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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