worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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