she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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