Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
