did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The uberlube is also flammable
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
