so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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