so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
