i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
