BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
