he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
