u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
