How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
