shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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