I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
