So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
