this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize