I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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