i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
