My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You did what with his pubic hair?
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