jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
