we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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