Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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