everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
