i jhust puked up my retainher.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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