rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
