Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
